lent 34 - the aftermath

What happens when you talk about forgiveness for a couple of days??   Guess what?  You get a chance to practice what you preach!

Yesterdays sermon was about 'relational health'.  Basically about how to do relationships well in church and of course a part of the conversation was about forgiveness.  We were challenged to talk to each other if we had things we needed to sort out before we took communion.  And I felt that I needed to apologise to one of the boys about stuff I have said and done which I know has not been helpful for him.  So I moved next to him and started to talk.  I said that I was sorry for my negativity and criticism.   He listened and talked back.  We talked through the communion part, the worship song, the closing up of the service and the stacking of the chairs.  It wasn't an easy conversation.  He let me know in no uncertain terms that just saying sorry didn't really cut it.  '  Mum you have said sorry before but things haven't changed.'   He is right.   He wasn't going to forgive and forget.  Which is fair enough.  In the process we uncovered some school things I was not aware of and I think I was able to convince him that his perceptions of my expectations of him were a tad awry.   But we definitely didn't resolve our issues, take communion together, kiss, make up and walk off into a blissful happy family sunset.    He basically told me to go away and change my behaviour before coming and asking for him to forgive me. 

Now I know what you are thinking - you are thinking that Im being hard on myself, that teenage boys are difficult to handle, that Im a great parent, that the very fact that I was having that conversation with my son is wonderful.    But the truth of the matter is that I have been a depressed parent for a very large chunk of my kids childhoods.  I have had a very difficult relationship with one of my kids in particular - because he is so very very different from me and because he knows how to press my buttons.  But its more than that.  God is talking to me about whats at the root of this negativity and I know I need to get rid of something in me which makes me so discouraging to my family when my calling is to be an encourager.   It has something to do with poverty.   And it also probably has something to do with me not exercising my spirit much over the past 20 years.   I definitely need to speak in tongues and worship more. 

After yesterdays blog two points were made - what happens when someone has hurt you but is not repentant?  ( or if they are no longer alive and therefore cant repent)  If they wont/cant accept the forgiveness we offer them how can we get rid of the burden of hurt we are carrying?     -  Well I suppose the answer must be to take it all to Jesus.  He knows we are willing to forgive even if the person concerned wont be forgiven.   I believe that Jesus sees our hearts and will release us from our ties to the other person as though they had repented and accepted forgiveness from us.  At the end of the day we cant be responsible for anyone elses relationship with God.  Our job is to listen to his Spirit and do what He says.  And pray for those who persecute us. 


The second point was about forgiving as we have been forgiven - don't we just have to forgive everyone for everything because God has forgiven us?    Well yes, if that were possible.  But we are not God and we don't have His heart, understanding, grace, wisdom, forbearance or indeed anything which would enable us to be as forgiving as He is.  What we do have though is His Spirit.   So once again we find that the only way we can do it is to ask to be filled with the fullness of God so that we can be more like Jesus.    We judge people on our very limited understanding of their motives and circumstances.  We receive wounds because of our own histories and circumstances and vulnerabilities.  Only Jesus knows the whole picture.   The more wisdom and discernment and spiritual understanding we have, I think the easier we might find it to forgive.  And the less vulnerable we might be to being hurt by others.

So I've got some work to do on my relationship with my son.  If I take my own advice then most of that work will be done between me and Jesus.  There is nothing which cant be solved or sorted by spending more time with Jesus, learning His unforced rhythms of grace and being changed from glory to glory.  Pray for me and for my boys.  We need all the help we can get - but I know that we will get there in the end.  Because God is good and He loves us.