I started wondering what it is that has lead to such a breakdown in our society..... and I landed on the word respect.
When I was a kid we called adults Mr and Mrs. Even people we knew quite well like the parents of our schoolfriends. We stood up when a teacher came into the classroom. In shops people were called Sir and Madam. Men and children stood up to offer their seats to women and older people. On the whole children did what they were told and good manners, politeness and consideration were valued and expected.... in short, there was respect between people. And to a great extent I think that sense of respect is rapidly disappearing in our society today. Of course it wasnt all rose tinted - we had corporal punishment, we had sexism and racism and Im sure there was lots of knife crime back then too. But ...A teacher friend of mine was telling me about her yeargroup a while back. It's not a good one. There is a group of insolent, disruptive and unpleasant lads who have been making her teaching experience less than joyful. These teenagers are completely unresponsive to discipline and what is much worse is that when their parents are brought in to talk about it, the parents are dismissive or abusive or completely unconcerned. So depressing. And it starts young. I work with pre-school children and it is very interesting to watch the parents who encourage their children to say please and thank you , to wait their turn, to follow instructions, and those who never do.
As I was thinking about this I wondered if the rise in the notion of peoples ' rights' has led to a fall in the sense that people should be respected. That probably sounds counter intuitive but here's my logic. ( Im not really talking about the big issues of human rights which combat prejudice and discrimination here, Im more talking about our 21st century culture of having ' the right' to speak and think and do exactly what we want ) When people are ascribed rights they then become entitled. And entitlement, whilst no doubt legitimate in many circumstances, is inherently selfish. It becomes all about me and what I deserve.
Respect, on the other hand, is something which prefers the other. It is deferent and humble, recognising the value in someone else and acknowledging that in word and deed. One of the things I love about Jesus is that He is super respectful of people who were considered worthless by the society of the time. He never shames or humiliates the sinner, the widow, the disabled, the poor. He treats them with respect and dignity. The one who is entitled to the worship of the world puts the needs of the leper and the tax collector above His own.My (American) neighbours have kids who are aged 5 and 7. The children call me Miss Caz. At first I said to them ' just call me Caz' because it felt odd to be addressed so formally, but noted that the parents wanted the ' Miss' - as a mark of respect. It is their way of helping their children to distinguish between me, as an adult neighbour, and any of their peers and contemporaries. And I must admit I really admire them for that. Their children are also expected to be super well mannered. They are just kids so they dont manage it all the time - but the blueprint is there. They are growing up ( as I trust my own boys are) to think about others carefully and respectfully, counting themselves a little lower. Showing respect for someone else is about ascribing value and worth to them - and we all know how good it is for our sense of well-being to feel valued. Perhaps the answer to knife crime is, instead of stop and search and arrests and punishment, to somehow start to show some respect to those young people who so undervalue themselves and others that they take up arms.
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